Fuvk Up
by oatsandroses
Summary: So maybe I have a bad past with love and maybe that's what drove me to this- the cheating and the breakdown. Maybe it's because I know that after he breaks up with me I will never find love again. Not this kind of love anyway. [STEFONNIE]
1. Chapter 1

I wake up stretching but then I freeze feeling that I'm not alone. I slowly turn my head hoping that it's my boyfriend, my loving, sweet, sweet, kind boyfriend but I mouth my "fuck" when it's not. We had a little falling out last night and I went out and apparently slept with some random guy and now I'm fucked. I love my man, I really do, he's the best thing that has literally ever happened to me and of course, I go and do some shit like this. I'm so glad that I'm not in my own bed.

I reach for my phone and see texts from my man close to making me cry with his apologies but I ignore that for now and order a Lyft. I have five minutes. I go straight to the bathroom after successfully getting out of bed and wipe my lady parts with water on a rag. I then go for my clothes, get dressed– three minutes. I do a quick search, see if I'm forgetting something, anything, I want absolutely no evidence of me being at the crime scene. One minute. I head for the exit and use my jacket to open the door and close it to conceal fingerprints just in time for my driver to pull up.

"Hey, how are you?" Justin asks as I close the door.

I exhale. "I fucked up."

"Been there."

Not helping, Justin.

When I get home, I shower and scrub down five times then call my man. He answers before a full ring even happened.

"I'm sorry,"

"No, don't- don't do that, I'm sorry."

"Where were you last night, I wanted to come over after everything but I didn't see your car."

My fucking car! "I was at a friend's."

"I'm coming over."

"Wait, I'll come over, I just have to shower and then I'll come."

"Okay."

"I love you." I feel so horrible.

"I love you more."

I hang up and fall back on my bed. "Bonnie, you are a fucking idiot and screw up," I grunt and get dressed getting me another Lyft so I can go to the club to get my car. I don't know why I drove there in the first place.

* * *

I have myself a pep talk all the way from the club to his house but now that I'm standing in front of his door I can't bring myself to knock. He's going to be so mad at m— the door opens catching me off guard and I see his face a little confused but he smiles and hugs me. I hug him as close as I can and he lifts me in his arms, I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me inside.

"Babe, I-"

"Shh, we're together now, okay, that's all that matters." He pulls away and moves his forehead to mine. Does he know? Does he somehow magically know that I cheated on him last night? Dare I say he does but it doesn't make sense because he would not be this calm about it.

"Babe, I need to tell you something." I feel him pull away from me but I can't face him.

"What?" He forces my head his way and he reads me. I see the horror in his eyes but I can't bring myself to look away.

"I'm sorry," multiple tears leave my eyes and he pushes me just enough for me to get the hint and I stand on my own two feet. "I didn't want to, I was drinking and I-"

"You lied to me."

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

"Tell me what? Admit it."

"I fucked up. I'm a fucking screw up because I- I cheated on you, I slept with someone else." My throat is burning but I keep going. "I cheated on someone who loved me better than anyone has ever had and I'm a fucking stupid idiot who deserves nothing but the complete opposite of happiness- I deserve despair and- and loneliness and sorrow. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." I break down and cry on my knees. So maybe I have a bad past with love and maybe that's what drove me to this- the cheating and the breakdown. Maybe it's because I know that after he breaks up with me I will never find love again. Not this kind of love anyway. The thought of that makes me cry harder and now I can barely breathe but the tears never stop.

"Bonnie, hey, hey," he joins me on the floor and pulls me into his chest. "It's okay, I promise."

"It's not okay," I struggle.

"It's not, but we can talk about it. Just breathe for me."

I try to calm my breaths and it gets easier after a while. My eyes and throat burn and it stings to swallow and blink. I don't want him to see me like this but he looks at me and though my eyes are weak, I look at him back and he frowns looking over my face. "I'm sorry." His eyes meet mine again and I know that everything is not okay.

"Who's the guy?"

"I don't know." My voice barely works and I'm not completely sure if he heard me. My god I feel so weak.

"Come on," he stands and reaches out his hand.

I watch it then try my damn hardest to reach for it but I barely could get my hand off the floor. He lifts me and takes me upstairs to his room and lays me on the bed. I watch as he leaves and that triggers more tears from me because it's too much symbolism to how things would play out. I roll to my stomach and close my eyes. Maybe I should just give up. Move away and keep to myself and die alone so I won't be able to screw anyone else over who doesn't deserve it.

I hear him return and pause before walking again towards me. I hear a glass being placed on the nightstand beside me and I know it's water. Quite frankly I'm surprised that I'm still here and not kicked out leaving me to wallow in my car for the next two hours but then again I shouldn't be surprised because it's Stefan. I could shit on his carpet and he'll still be nice to me. I'm such a fucking idiot.

I hear him exhale then grunt, mumbling under his breath. Something about kicking ass then it moves to him trying to justify my actions. "We had a fight", "she was drunk", "it meant nothing", "she's sorry, was balling her eyes out for fuck sake". It ends when he sits down and I know that he's running his fingers through his hair, not because I can hear it but because I know that's his move whenever he's frustrated. Then it's just breathing. And thinking, and breathing. Will he or won't he. By the time I supposedly wake up, I will be either single or in a relationship where the trust is at zero. Be with a man I love yet have guilt-ridden all over me that it can drive me insane. Him looking at me and not believing when I tell him I fell asleep or that I was actually over a friend's house or when I do go out to the club that I didn't sleep with anyone else. I'm not sure what's worse at this point.

I wake up after I don't know how long. All this pretending actually put me to sleep and I sit up now feeling more strength in my body. I look over to see Stefan sitting on the edge of the bed. I'm scared to say anything so I move a little more gaining his attention.

"I can't trust you anymore."

"I know,"

"I don't know what to do, I-" he sighs. "We haven't even been together for that long so should I just say fuck it and leave or should I give you another chance?" I wait not being able to speak because of the pain in his voice. "Why did you have to do this to me?" He waits this time for me to respond but I'm not sure what to say. What can I say now that I haven't said already?

"I don't know what say. I'm so sorry, Stefan, I'll do anything to gain your trust back. I love you and I know my action didn't show that but I came right out and told you and I didn't hide it, I wasn't going to I- I will never do anything like that again. And I know you can't trust me but I promise I won't. I want another chance, please. Just one more chance."

"Why did you do it?"

I guess that wasn't what he was looking for. "I'm not used to being loved. Everyone I know eventually leaves. We fought I thought you would leave like everyone else so I didn't care. Even though I knew you weren't like everyone else, the alcohol in me made me believe otherwise."

He looks at me then looks away, facing forward again. "Let's just take a break. I need some time to think and adjust."

I nod though he can't see me and slowly get up feeling the familiar numb feeling and walk out. Way to go, Bonnie, maybe it was you all along. I'm caught off guard when I spin and bump into his chest because he tugged on my arm. He towers over me and his hands move to the sides of my face and his eyes on my lips. He looks at me then kisses me deeply and I savor this feeling because I don't know when it will happen again. If it will happen again.

* * *

With a broken heart, I get ready for my shift at the diner and I need to put on a smile if I want to collect tips. I'm used to being fake for work so it doesn't take me long to get into character. Acting bashful when men flirt and laugh when people ask if I'm an actress and tell the fake story of my mom being a waitress and how I wanted to follow in her footsteps.

I don't know how I make it, but I do and the last place I need to be is at a bar but that's where I am. I stay aware of how much I ask for and I am so thankful that no one had the balls to come up to me because I wouldn't be so pleasant. I get home and I dread going inside for some reason. It's as if Stefan and I shared this place and I don't want to risk seeing him. Maybe it's just because I don't want to be alone. Should've thought of that before I went on ahead and slept with someone else.

I shut my car off and drag my feet inside until I'm in my room.

"Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence."


	2. Chapter 2

I massaged my head not sure if I'm able to take any more. When I'm not a waitress on the weekends, I actually work in a cubicle. It's fun, I guess, I have my space and people don't really talk to me so I have my silence. Unfortunately, we have to attend these every other month work gatherings and I'm going to lose it. This girl named Caroline thought it was a great idea to start talking to me for some reason and that attracted another girl, Elena and it's like I'm there but I'm not there as they talk back and forth and back and forth between each other. My lord, please help me! They're so distracted by one another that they don't notice me massaging my temples. I go for something else like a sigh but that didn't do it. I look for an escape route but I wasn't going to crawl under their legs. Eventually, I just give up.

"Do you want to come, Bonnie?" Elena turns to me with a smile.

"Come where?"

"To yoga. I teach a class early tomorrow morning, it'll be so much fun. Please come, please, please?"

I sigh. "Okay, I guess."

She squeals and claps several times a second. I have no idea what I just signed up for but I know for a fact that I'll hate it. I give them both my number when they asked then excused myself to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet then sigh deeply. It's been two months. I don't know what his definition of a break entails, but two months is a long ass break. I want to call him or text him or show up at his place but that may be crossing the line that I don't want to cross. I want to be loved again. I want to be in love again with a man that's in love with me.

...

After work, I get a text in the form of a group including myself and Caroline and Elena saying that yoga starts a six. Six. Like in the morning. And it starts at six so that means I have to get up at four thirty to get ready and be there in time. I may just need to cancel but then again she'll keep bothering me about it so I mind as well just get it over with.

I decide to go for a walk since the day is nice. Secretly hoping that I'd see Stefan or that he'd see me and starts thinking about me again. I wish he didn't kiss me. If he would've just let me leave in peace I'm not sure if I'd be so caught up but he gave me hope and that's the last thing that I need to have given the circumstances. I miss his face. I pause. Spotting him walking towards me with another woman in tow. They're smiling and laughing and he moves his arm around her shoulders. I realize that they're literally heading towards me so I back up into a store and pray that they don't enter but pass. Thankfully it's the latter but then it all hits me. He left.

...

I guess when you cry yourself to sleep you're destined to wake up early? I completely forgot to set my alarm for yoga but I woke up just in time to quickly get ready. By the time I walked in people were laying down their mats. I heard my name and looked over to see Caroline waving so that's where I head.

Surprisingly it was pretty hard but I actually enjoyed it. We made plans to get drinks after work and I'm actually looking forward to it. Maybe I can actually have friends? I hate to depend on them, but they don't seem like the type to ditch. I mean I barely know them and already I'm invited to yoga and drinks. I get home and shower and wash my long overdue hair. I'm starving so I make me some breakfast and eat in my room, on my bed watching old episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. I mean what else is on? By the time I'm finished, it's time to get ready for work. I feel different today, lighter, freer and maybe it's because of the yoga. That and it's the first time that I actually had time to eat a decent breakfast that wasn't from a fast food place.

Work speeds by and I have a few chats with the girls in the bathroom. Somehow I end up telling them about Stefan and I thought I was going to be majorly judged but they were understanding. Caroline says she's been in my place before and told me that time is the best medicine. "Let the universe decide,". So I guess I'm letting the universe decide. But maybe it's already decided since I saw him with another woman. Ha. I saw him with another woman. Thanks, universe, I fucking love ya!

Another shot goes down the hatchet and I start laughing for no reason causing the girls to laugh. We sober up then I meet my head to the bar but realize how dirty it is so I place my jacket down then rest my head on that.

"What's wrong?" Elena asks.

I lift my head. "Nothing I—" I widen my eyes like that actually helps me see things closer.

"Bonnie?"

"We need to leave." I gather my things though all of my things are in my purse.

"Why?"

"My ex- my- Stefan is here,"

"What?!"

"Shh!" I ducked seeing his head turn. "I have to go."

"No, Bonnie, universe. Stay, drink." Caroline flagged the bartender down.

So I stayed and I drank and soon forgot all about Stefan that is until I was twirling in my chair sipping rum and coke when our eyes locked. My straw fell out of my mouth then I shifted my eyes to the bitch. She was paying no attention to me but talking to Stefan who I switched my eyes back over to. Caroline and Elena gasp and I'm stunned finding myself trapped between his arms. I miss this face.

"Can we talk?"

I only nod. I can feel my mouth open but I forgot how to close it. He grabs my hand then turns to whisper in the girl's ear then she nods and walks out. Stefan takes me to the other end of the bar and it's then that I realize I'm drunk. I close my eyes for a few seconds to focus my vision.

"You're dating someone else," it comes out before I could even think to stop it.

"No, that's not- I know how it sounds but she's my cousin."

I chuckle and he smiles. "Oh,"

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes." I move my hands to the sides of his face. "Do you still love me?"

"I didn't want to, to be honest, but I do. And I miss you like crazy."

I stand on my toes keeping my hands where they were, meeting our noses. "Forgive me. I'm sorry, baby, I love you." I exhale through my nose as his hands wrap around me. "You feel so good." I ran my fingers through his hair as our lips meet.

His head turns deepening our kiss and my head is spinning so fast and my panties dampen and I really fucking hate that his cousin is in town because I want to leave with him so bad. He backs me into the wall and I simply cannot stop myself from moaning.

"Wait," he pulls away. "We still need to talk."

"Right. I um, can we do lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that should be fine."

"I want to sleep with you like sleep-sleep."

He chuckled. "Tell you what, I'll come over later."

"Thank you,"

"I need to go, babe," he backs away.

"Okay,"

He continues to back up and I walk forward keeping eye contact. Before I explode, I kiss him again until we reach the door then I let him go. I head back to my friends and the smile on my face couldn't stop growing. "To the universe," I raise my glass.

"To the universe,"

We drank and shortly it was time for me to leave. I shower and brush my teeth like a maniac then mouthwash on top of that. I get dressed in one of his favorite silk outfits of mine and I know it's a little wrong but I need to win him back. It's just an innocent blue short shorts and spaghetti strap top. Innocent.

Knocking filled my house and I raced downstairs but slowed when I reached the door. I look through the peephole to see him standing there thankfully alone before I open it. I welcome him inside and he eyes me smiling some. "You don't play nice,"

I chuckled then turn leading us upstairs to my room. He removes his shirt and jeans and climbs into bed with me. I face him and wrap my free arm around him and my leg around his waist. His hand smooths along my thigh several times and I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes.

...

If my alarm wasn't set, I would've slept all day. Stefan is just oddly comfortable and I say oddly because he's a strong dude. I would do anything to skip work but I need the money. I get ready quietly then leave him a note before leaving. When lunch rolls around, I get a text from Stefan letting me know that he's outside and I gather my things smiling when Caroline and Elena say some words of encouragement.

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

He watches me then kisses me softly. I feel like I'm floating and I'm going to enjoy this feeling for as long as I can because we're about to have a serious talk and I'm scared.

We order our meal then Stefan exhaled and it begins. "I want to forgive you. And I know that I can but when I'm not wrapped up in your love, it gets so hard for me to forget it. And when you leave I'm worried that you'd be off with a guy and not with those two girls you were with last night."

"Do you think there's anything that I can do so you won't have those thoughts?"

"I don't know, babe." He sighed. "I hate to ask for more time,"

"You can have all the time you need, but can we please still see each other? These last two months have been hell for me. Not a day went by that I didn't think of you or about what you were doing or if you moved on. I just want to be with you, babe. Please,"

"Okay," he reached for my hand to interlock with his.

"I'm sorry for being such a fucked up person."

"Stop talking about yourself like that. I don't like it."

"It's true."

"No, it's not. We all make mistakes, alright? It may be a fucked up mistake but that doesn't make us fucked up people. Especially if it was only once."

"I'll try to be more positive, I guess." I shrug rolling my eyes. He chuckled and shakes his head.

"Hey, I was thinking that we go out on a date tonight. Just you and me,"

I smile. "What about your cousin?"

"She's leaving later this afternoon,"

"Why was she in town?"

"She's thinking about moving here and wanted to get a feel of the place." I nodded. "And since I'm the cool cousin she begged that I show her all the cool spots."

I snorted. "I'm sure that's why."

"Oh, I'm positive."

I laugh some and watch his smile. I miss that smile. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

Our food comes and we move our hands away from one another's and start to eat and talk more until our bellies are full. We walk out holding hands and he turns me to face him once we reach his car. My eyes are always wide when I look into his this closely. He moves in and my eyes close as our lips meet. He bends his knees to wrap his arms around me and I throw my arms around his neck as his tongue slips into my mouth. If I could get pregnant just by a kiss, I would be expecting twins in the next nine months. Speaking of, I reach for the handle and pull away before pulling him inside. So I might be a little late getting back to work, but it'll be worth it.

I ride him slowly trying to not make what we're doing so obvious in a parking lot full of cars but I miss him and I needed to show him so, so maybe I bounced a little too roughly taking the car for a ride as well. Mmf I missed him. I missed him so—

"That was a long lunch," Caroline says in my ear in a teasing tone.

I snap out of memory lane and onto the present. Damn, I really wish I skipped work today and called out sick because maybe Stefan and I would be on my bed right now.

"We had a lot to discuss." I shrug.

"Yeah, that totally explains why your shirt is completely wrinkled."

She leaves then with a light laugh and I quickly straighten out my shirt. Damn Stefan.

...

After a shower, I get ready for dinner with my man. I wear something loose and flowing but fitting at the same time. The top of the dress hugs my curves while the bottom tapers out more. It's black and I curl my hair then run my fingers through it to loosen it up some. I add some height by slipping on some red bottoms then take another quick look at myself in the downstairs mirror before answering the door. He gives me a once over then looks into my eyes and I know that look. We're not going anywhere tonight.

My dress is off before I could even blink really but my heels stay on as he lifts me into the kitchen. Then the living room, then up the stairs, then my bedroom, then the floor. Then the bathroom where we "shower" together but in all reality, it's just making out and stroking.

By the time we hit my bed again, we're both tired as hell, breathing like we just got finished running a marathon which we basically did. I turn to him and smile at his closed eyes and agape mouth. He soon looks over and I smile wider making him do so. We meet in the middle and kiss gently but pull away before another reaction sparks.

"You're amazing," he runs his hand down my wet hair while eyeing my face in his romantic stare.

"You're amazing," our eyes meet and we kiss again before sitting up.

Stefan gets dressed and I slip into something more comfortable. We head downstairs to my couch and turn on the TV and watch whatever movie that seems appealing at the time which happens to be The Ugly Truth. I rest my head on his lap and he caresses my face.

I can't stop thinking about how tomorrow would be. We got everything out of our system tonight so maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe that's when all the bad will hit and maybe that's when we'll have to work twice as hard to get back into the groove of things. I absolutely hate that I'm thinking negatively ahead, but I simply cannot help it.


	3. Chapter 3

Usually, when a guy asks me to check in, I don't and say I forgot, but given the situation, I actually listen making sure that my company says 'hey' as well.

Things are...going. As I predicted after our first week of getting back together, the trust issues came into play. The high was off, the missing of each other faded and we started to give each other more space which led to the check-ins. He doesn't ask me to call every time I tell him I'm going out so I guess that's progress? I tend to do it anyway but I'm scared that he'll get used to me doing it on my own will then the one time that I don't do it, he freaks out. Maybe we need couples counseling? I'm not really the counseling type so I won't bring it up but if things start to get out of hand then maybe I will.

"What are you doing?" Stefan asks me as I'm,

"Laying on my bed. Thinking of you." He chuckled and I smile. "What about you, babe?"

"Well, I'm about to make me something to eat. What should I make?"

"Me a sandwich?" I had to.

"Come over,"

"I can't, I have work in thirty minutes. I want to though,"

"After your shift."

"Okay. Can you make dinner?"

"What do you want?"

"Surprise me. Yet I feel like some yeast rolls. So anything that goes with that, I guess. Or not, just make them."

He chuckled. "Anything for you. I'll make some goulash."

"Mmm, yes please." That sounds so good right now. "Extra cheese, please."

"Mhm,"

"Ugh, I can't wait, my mouth is watering."

"You better come over."

"I will! I can never turn down a hot meal made by my hot boyfriend."

"I want to see you."

"I can– stop by later, I'll serve you."

"Then when you get to my place, I'll serve you."

"Can't wait."

"I love you."

"I love you more. Bye, baby,"

"I'll see you later, babe."

I sigh then hang up the phone. I don't have much time to daydream because if I don't leave now I'll be late.

Today is actually pretty slow for a Saturday. It's usually the prime, but I guess people wanted to try something different? I absolutely hate days like this because the time goes by so slow! When I'm working five tables at a time I feel like my shift is over in an hour but when I have one or two my shift actually feels like five hours. Each time that door opens I hope it's my Stefan since we didn't discuss a time so I guess that gives me something to hope for.

I perk up seeing him walk through looking around then he smiles when he sees me. My heart is racing I'm so in lo— oh. Fuck.

I see him slip some money to the hostess asking to be seated where I'm waitressing and she leads them the way. I go check on a previous customer then make my way over putting on my best smile. He stands and kissed me. "You're so beautiful." He looks right into my eyes as he says it and I smile a small smile falling deeper in love. "This is my brother Damon."

We lock eyes. "Nice to meet you."

"Hey,"

"Um, take a seat so I can do my spiel." He chuckled but sat holding his hands on the table as he looks up at me. "Hello, I'm Bonnie and I'll be your waitress for this evening, can I start you guys out with something to drink?"

"I'll have a water and a Coke, please," he smiles.

"And you for you?" I glance at Damon.

"Uh, I'll have one of those strawberry slushy things."

"Okay, I'll be back."

I don't know how I'm keeping it all together but so far so good. I'm not even sure if he remembers me, it doesn't seem like it, he wasn't phased by my appearance at all so if I just keep playing like I have no idea who the hell he is then it'll all be fine. Plus I heard that he doesn't even live here but in Pennsylvania so it's not like I have to see him around all the time. I'll be straight, completely fine and maybe I'll convince myself to not go into any details because enough damage has been done and I can't go back to the way things were.

I'm taking the drinks back and I see that Stefan isn't there. I want to turn back but someone clears their throat at me so I get going. "Your drinks."

"Stefan's in the bathroom." I nod then go walk away but his hand wraps around my wrist. "Are we going to address this?"

I close my eyes then sit down across from him. "I can't believe this is happening."

"You cheated on my brother with me."

"I had no idea, I didn't do it on purpose, I didn't even want to cheat but I was—"

"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself. We didn't know about our links with Stefan otherwise we would've never crossed that line." I nod. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. He just forgave me for cheating in the first place but if I tell him that it was you I don't know how he'll react. I don't want to lose him… What if he pieces it together somehow?"

"He won't. I didn't tell him I was in town. Let's just keep this to ourselves, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." I nod. "Besides if he finds out you won't be the only one to lose someone."

"What does that mean?" I narrow my eyes.

"Look at that," Our eyes switch to Stefan. "You two are getting to know each other,"

I stand and run my hands down my apron. "Well, I figured that I get some dirt on you while I could." He chuckled then sat back down. "Are you ready to order?"

"Yeah, I'll have the grilled chicken sandwich, everything on it and the fries."

"Damon?"

"I'll just get the same thing. Make things easier."

I smile and take their menus then go put in their order. My stomach is in knots. This is all so wrong, why am I being punished like this? My life was already pretty crappy, aren't I entitled to some happiness? The time goes by even slower. I watch them talk and laugh and bond and every time my foot is in that direction I feel like I'm going to vomit. I ask around for an aspirin and once it settles I'm good. I visit more, I talk more, laugh more.

Stefan leaves me a tip, slipping it into my back pant pocket as he kisses me.

"Stef," I push him slightly.

"You're still coming over tonight?"

I nod. "I'm going to go home and shower first but I'll be there."

"Okay," he kisses me again then he's off.

I exhale watching them leave and I just pray that Damon will not be over there with Stefan when I get there.

* * *

I had to have a three-way call with my girls to get their input. They said I should tell him because honesty is the best policy but after really talking it over they switched and said it's best if I just keep my mouth shut and save it until after the wedding. Or if he promises that there would be no more secrets between us like they do on TV. Either way, I think keeping my mouth shut is the best course of action for all three of us. Damon said that he'll lose someone in the process as well and I know that's not Stefan, so maybe he has a girlfriend or something back home. It gets me to wonder why he was even in town in the first place. He didn't tell Stefan about it so maybe his intention was to cheat on the possible "her". It makes sense in a twisted up way but I'm going to try to get some info out of Stefan tonight. Or even Damon if he's there.

I only see Stefan's car in his driveway so I'm assuming that Damon isn't around. I feel more at ease and knock on his door smiling when he opened it. I smell the meaty, cheesy pasta from here. He kisses me and I kiss him back extra good making him moan and lift my legs around his waist. I feel him moving and when my knees meet cushion, I know we're on the couch. He lifts and removes my shirt and I do the same to him before he lays me down. "I missed you," he tells me in my ear then proceeds to place kisses down my neck.

"Show me." I challenge then watch him stand to remove his pants.

Mm, mm, mm.

...

As soon as I came the timer to the oven went off. We got dressed and moved to the kitchen kissing, touching as much as the universe would allow. He made my plate for me and we sat across from each other, playing footsie under the table.

"So why is Damon in town? He wanted to see his _cool_ brother?" I tease to make it like I'm teasing him and not how I'm actually interested.

He chuckles. "That's part of it. He does a lot of travel for work. Stays here a few times a year."

I nod. "It must be good to see him."

"Yeah, sometimes,"

I chuckle. "Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, I guess we're so used to this long distance relationship, if you will, that when he gets here it's cool and all but after some time it- I don't know, it's like we get sick of each other. That's why he's in a hotel."

I smile some and continue to eat. "He lives in Pennsylvania, right?" He nods due to food in his mouth. "Does he have a family?"

He swallows. "I guess you can say that. He's married. No kids though,"

Fuck. There it is. Not dating or even engaged but married. Married. "Oh really, for how long?"

"Shit, three years, I think. Can't really remember."

I nod and suddenly I'm sick again. One year jitters, sure, I mean it's still wrong but sure, however, three years of marriage is a long time. I want to press on but I don't want him to question me, asking why I'm so interested in his brother's love life.

"This is really good."

He smiles. "Thanks, babe. My stepmom told me how she makes it."

I smile then realize that I know very little about Stefan's family. I only know that there was a Damon because that's a typical first date question. 'Any siblings?' I had no idea about this stepmom thing or if his father is alive or not. I guess we haven't really talked as much as I thought. I mean I know a lot about Stefan personally but outside of him, it's very faint. I'm sure he feels the same way about me.

"Tell me about your family," I ask sitting up a little.

He chuckled some, "Uh, well, I have an older brother Damon as you know. We're five years apart so it was and is still a very iffy relationship. I mean we were brothers so that was unstoppable but as we grew older it sort of drifted. My dad remarried to when I was eighteen. My biological mother… she just wasn't a good mom, you know," I nod. I do know. "Luckily he got it right this time around. I mean I love my mom, but I just don't think she was ready to be a mom, you know. Like she resented it wasn't afraid to show it. Anyway, Mandy, my stepmom, it was weird in a way at first because I was already grown so I didn't really care but in some cases, you just need your mom or a mom and she was there." I smiled.

"That's great. Well, part of it,"

He chuckled. "What about you?"

I'm not sure if I'm actually sinking deep into my chair or if it's just the feeling. I should've just kept my mouth shut because I should've seen this coming. It's all my fault, I had to bring up the family because I was genuinely interested and I was stupid to think that Stefan wouldn't be genuinely interested in my family life as well. "Uhhh." I sounded like I was about to cry and I notice how his face frowned.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,"

"It's not that I don't want to, it's just I don't feel like crying now," I say yet my eyes are lined with tears. I exhaled and shake it off.

"Any pets?" He offers a smile and that actually helped.

"Not legally." He laughed. "I uh, I didn't have many friends growing up but I liked being outside as I'm sure every kid our age back then did. But uh, I would spot this cat sometimes near the park and I would pretend. I was too scared to actually touch it or anything like that but he was mine in my heart."

"What'd you name him?"

"Tobias. I really love that name for some reason but when you think about it, it's an ugly name."

"I actually think it's a pretty cool name for an animal."

I snorted. "Just not for a human. No offense," he raised an eyebrow. "To all the people named Tobias in the world."

He chuckled. "You're weird but I like it." He lightly kicked me under the table.

I roll my eyes. "If I had a nickel…"

We smile at each other and I see the family I never had yet always wanted through his eyes. "Do you um want kids? Someday?" That's the first time I asked a guy this.

"I won't mind a couple," he smiles. "What about you?"

"I want a little boy. Name him Tobias." We laughed. "No, but, I just want a mama's boy so I can just hold him all the time. Girls are too close to their fathers." He chuckled lightly. "I was close to my dad once."

He nodded slightly. "Why did that change?"

"I'm not sure, honestly. It was like the older I got the more he pushed away. At first I thought it was just his way of showing me that I have to learn how to do things myself, you know, daddy won't be there all the time to pick up the pieces, but it came to the point where he just straight up ignored me-" I stop feeling a tear slip. "But whatever."

Stefan stands then wraps me in his arms. I try to hold it back but it pours. I hate sharing things about my past because it only leads to sadness and destruction.

"I love you." He holds me tighter and possibly unknowing to him, that was somehow what I needed to hear.

...

I needed to be in his arms for the rest of the day. After I calmed down he looked me in the eye and told me that he'd be there no matter what. I knew he meant it because my body tingled and warmed and cooled. It's hard to explain. We cleaned up then moved to his room where we watched a movie. My head rested on his chest, his arms around me. We talked here and there but mainly paid attention to what was going on. I fell asleep and woke up hearing that he was in the shower. I was going to join but decided to change into one of his shirts instead and plug in my phone. I responded back to the long-awaited group chat by not really saying anything at all only that I'll fill them in tomorrow. I glance at the time and realize that it's still pretty early but on the inside, I am worn out and just want to sleep. I decide to wait for Stefan to get out because maybe he has something that he wants to do like make dessert or something. I could go for some cake.

I move under the covers anyway since my legs are exposed and I get cold easily. There's a slight chill at first but it warms quickly. It's a dangerous game, but I rest my head on the pillow and close my eyes, just resting.

* * *

Damn it.


	4. Chapter 4

I kind of hate the winter. It's cold and that's just about it. If it snowed every winter then it would definitely be my favorite season. Nothing makes me feel like a kid again other than watching the snow fall from the clouds and collect on the grass. No matter how short lived it could be, I daydream every time.

No one wants to hang out in the winter, just stay inside in our heated houses (if we're lucky) and talk on the phone. Like me for example. It's like a ghost town in Mystic Falls. You drive around and see parking lots close to empty and the only time it gets busy on the roads is after four or five when people are getting off of work. I mean not that I can blame them at all because I get it. Don't ask me to do nada. Cause I don't want to do nada.

"Let's get away for the weekend,"

"Okay!" Well, that is, unless you're my man.

He chuckled. "Let's spin the globe."

"We're not rich, only rich people do that."

"Fine, you got me. I actually have a lake house two towns over."

"Lake house? It's winter."

"It's beautiful. You'll love it." He moves in closer. "We can cuddle by the fire, make s'mores, sing indoor campfire songs," I roll my eyes, "Sex by the fire, have you ever done that before?" I open my mouth but he stops me. "Actually don't answer that."

"I actually haven't, but I'm sure you have Mr. Lakehouse." I raise my eyebrow and he keeps quiet. "That's what I thought."

"It was...a long time ago,"

"Oh, it always is." I get up from his bed and he follows after me downstairs.

"I love you."

I sigh, "I know." It's fun teasing him mainly because he thinks I'm serious and he acts extra loving towards me.

We kiss passionately and I feel a hardness was on my thigh. I'm ready to jump into his arms when all of a sudden the doorbell rings and we both grunt then head to the door. I take a step back unintentionally when it's Damon's face I see. The brothers hug and we wave at each other casually. I'm wondering what the hell he's still doing here.

"I thought you would've left by now," Stefan says for me.

"Apparently it's snowing like crazy back home so I had no luck in getting a flight. Alanya says it's calming down so hopefully, I'll be home soon. Just thought I drop by,"

"Yeah, man, come sit." Stefan grabs my arm as the two head to the living room and sits me on his lap. I hope he doesn't feel me shaking. "How's everything, man?"

He sighed. "Pretty good, I guess. I just want to go home."

"I hear ya," he rubbed my arms several times like I am his home. Fuck. "How's Alanya?"

"She's good, yeah. Growing,"

"Growing?" Stefan and I asked together.

"We're expecting a baby soon,"

Life. Leaves me. I absolutely hate myself. I'm deaf all of a sudden as I stare at him. How could he put me in a situation like this? Why me of all people? I stiffened as my mouth fills with vomit and I rush to the bathroom to get rid of it. Still deaf but I feel Stefan's hand on my back, rubbing slightly. One more time I let it out then stumble over to the sink to wash out my mouth. The sound of the water shuts my hearing on and I hear Stefan ask if I'm okay. I only nod and clean my mouth out a couple more times then I let myself breathe. I hope I just vomited out all the guilt. It would be worth embarrassing myself over.

"Do you need to tell me something?" He asks kindly and I'm not even sure if he would've asked that if Damon didn't drop news or if I didn't ask him about having kids last week.

"I don't think so," if I am pregnant, it's not the reason behind my stomach issues.

He watches my eyes. "Okay," dare I say he seems disappointed. "Let me take you upstairs."

I take his hand and he helps me up the stairs and lays me on the bed. I tell him that he can go downstairs and that I'll be fine and he's reluctant but goes back down. I wait a few seconds before getting out of bed and staying by the stairs.

"What was up with that?" I hear Damon ask.

"I don't know. Could just be something she ate."

"You sure?"

"I said I don't know, what are you getting at?"

"You know what I'm getting at."

"Why do you even care?"

"I don't I'm just saying that you barely know this girl, be careful."

"Damon, I know how to be careful, okay. We've had this discussion before we even had sex."

It was about a five-second "discussion" as we were taking our clothes off. Stefan asked if I was on the pill, I told him I was then it was hump time.

"If you're going to sit here and talk shit about my girlfriend then you can get out."

"Chill out, man, I'm just trying to be your brother."

"Then be fucking supportive. That's how you be a brother."

"Stefan, come on,"

I hurry and rush back into the bed seeing Stefan make his way up the stairs. I close my eyes in time for him to walk in. His fingers race through my hair and he lets out a breath then kisses my forehead. I open my eyes and he smiles at me and I smile back. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I sit up. "Sorry,"

"Don't apologize, babe. I'm just glad you're OK." I smile. "Do you think a baby is a possibility?"

"Honestly, no. But I will take a test just to be one hundred percent."

"I think that's best."

I move my hand to the side of his face and kiss him once. "I love you."

"I love you more."

We kiss again then he holds me. "Did Damon leave?"

"I don't think so, I just wanted to check on my baby." I chuckle lightly and he lays us down.

I swear I always feel so protected and loved in his arms it's unreal.

"Can you brush your teeth? I want to make out,"

I chuckle then wait a few seconds before heading to the bathroom.

...

We hold hands in the Walgreens looking for the pregnancy tests. I think that if I was pregnant that I'd feel it or something and since I feel just as I did last week as I did two months ago. I can't help but feel that Stefan wants me to be pregnant. I could sense some glimmer of hope in his eyes when we talked about it and I know that when this test turns out negative, he'll be sad which will make me sad that I'm not pregnant which is strange because why would I ever be sad that I'm not pregnant when I'm not married or close to it.

He pays for it after we decide which one was best based off of how many commercials we've seen. I could tell that the clerk wanted to wish us luck but stopped herself before it came out. I drank a lot of water and peed on the test and now we're waiting. Stefan's pacing and I just wait on the bed feeling nervous for no reason at all. I walk up to him and hold his face stopping him from driving the both of us insane. "It's going to be okay." He nods. "We'll get the results and we'll be happy either way because it's our baby who we will love and spoil rotten or it's not our baby which means we can go to the lake house and have sex by the fire without any worry." I'm glad that he chuckled at that.

The timer goes off then and I go to the bathroom, picking up the test but I don't look at it. I walk out to him and stand beside him. "One, two, three," I lift my hand and read a 'Not Pregnant'. I exhale closing my eyes and feel an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. I'm oddly disappointed though I knew the results.

I look over at Stefan and he's still looking at the test. "Babe?"

"Sorry, I was-" he exhaled. "I was hopeful."

"I know," We hug and he turns his head to kiss my neck. "When the time is right, we'll have our Tobias."

He chuckled then pulls away to look me in the eyes. "When the time's right,"

I kiss him once then tell him that I need to leave so I could pack for the lake house. I'm so excited, this would be our first date outside of Mystic Falls. We're actually going to be alone and secluded but I hope this "pregnancy scare" doesn't ruin the mood. I had no idea that Stefan wanted to be a father now but I'm not sure if he actually wants to be but the thought of it was nice.

I pack for four days and nights then call Caroline and ask to meet up with her and Elena. I then call Stefan and tell him about our plans and he seems okay with it and tells me that he'll see me tomorrow. I can still tell that he's down about the whole thing and that sucks.

* * *

"You should ask him and see what's up," Elena suggested.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's disappointed and sure that could happen but for him to hold on to that disappointment is strange. It's not like you two were actually trying for a baby in the first place."

True. "Yeah, I'll see how he acts at the lake house and if he still seems off then I'll open my mouth. For now, I'll just observe." I sigh.

"Three shots of vodka," Caroline orders and I know I shouldn't but I down mine just as everyone else.

My phone vibrates like crazy in my pocket and I see it's Stefan. I sigh and not because I'm annoyed but because I just don't feel like talking right now. Not even to the girls.

"Hey, babe,"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure, do you want me to come over so we could talk?"

"No, no I uh, I called because I- I feel like I made things weird between us."

"No, babe. I mean I was a little, for lack of a better word, shocked at your disappointment but I get it. Sometimes you can get your hopes up and when that hope fails you it's disappointing."

"Yeah,"

"Do you want to be a dad now?"

"I don't know," he exhaled. "It was just a nice thought."

I smile. "I love you."

"I love you more."

"I can't wait to spend the weekend with you." I moan just to tease.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. I was thinking, should I even pack clothes at all?"

"If you don't I have absolutely no objection."

I chuckle. "What's your favorite color?"

"Green. It brings out your eyes." Yum. "Are you going to buy me something?"

"It's a surprise."

"Can't wait."

"I'll send a little photo,"

"Please do."

Our little banter goes on for a few more minutes until I get called on and had to hang up. I told the girls that we'd be going shopping tomorrow so they could help me pick out something green and sexy for Stefan. This would be a first for me. It's kind of terrifying, having others look at my body and judge whether something looks good on it or not. I made sure to shave when I got home and I'm glad that Stefan doesn't mind some hair on my legs, but I figured that the occasion cause for a nice clean shave.

...

I made sure to call out of work at my job at the diner for the weekend. I wish that it didn't pay crap because I would like to make that my full-time job rather than working at a call center. It's easy money but it's boring most days. I don't really have something that I'm passionate about career wise so, for now, I'll settle.

Stefan and I have been texting nonstop since this morning. I can tell he's anxious about the photo because he's being extra flirty. I'm sure I'm not the only girl to send him something of the matter but maybe it's been some time. We didn't have the discussion on exes yet and maybe it's time to bring it up. My dating past is almost as worse as my childhood so before I open my big mouth I have to make sure that I'm actually ready to talk about it. The last thing I need is to cry again in front of him about a subject in my life. I don't like being so vulnerable to anyone so this is all new to me.

I put my sweater on since it's getting a little nippy then my phone vibrates and I get a text from a number that I don't have plugged in. I can tell that it's from Damon from the preview because it mentions Stefan.

 _Are you carrying my brother's child? Or mine?_

 **Chill out, I'm NOT pregnant.**

 **Your news just made me sick.**

 **How could you cheat on your pregnant wife Damon?! And why did it have to be me?**

 _I didn't know she was pregnant at the time. We were drifting and I guess the pregnancy was the reason why._

 _If I would've known who you were I would've never come onto you. By the way, I'm not the only one at fault here._

 **Yeah, but at least I fucking told Stefan. You're the one keeping this from her. I was stupid and drunk and angry. Any other day I would've told you off.**

 _Yeah well, the shit happened and we need to deal with it. I'm glad you're not pregnant and I'm sure you are too._

 **I am.**

 _Anyway. Delete this please, I won't bother you anymore._

 **Bye.**

Before I delete I do save his number and before my head got going I got a phone call and it was back to work.

* * *

I literally pick up anything that was green and it's hard because not many things come in that color. Next, it's off to the dressing room and as I'm pulling the panties up my legs to cover the ones I have on already, I grow a little nervous for Caroline and Elena are right outside the door. I give myself a little pep talk then open it before I backed down. I watch their eyes trail my body and they have yet to say anything which makes me nervous.

"So?"

"Hot damn Bonnie Bennett,"

"You look gorgeous!"

I breathe and suddenly feel my confidence boost. The top is a yes but the bottoms are a no so I go on and try the rest of the things I found. We settle on a lace bralette and some ruffle pantie thong that looks like a tutu. I ask one of the workers to get me a new pair from the back then it's checkout time. When I get home, I just put the thong on and take a picture from behind sending it to my man. It takes him a minute.

 _Damn._

 _Fuck._

 _You're so fucking sexy._

I chuckle and thank him.

 _I can't wait to see the rest._

 **It's worth waiting for.**

 _I know it is cause you're wearing it. Are you home? Alone?_

 **Yes.**

He FaceTime's me and my heart races and beats like a drum. It takes me a few seconds to answer but I do and see his face. He looks hungry. Since I'm topless I move my phone down a little more and he moans.

"Mmf,"

"I want you."

"Yeah?"

I pout and nod. "You look so sexy in your suit."

"I'll pack one for you." I nod. "We can do a little role play."

"As long as it's day one cause I can't wait."

He chuckles. "Neither can I, honestly." His eyes shift lower again. "You are perfect."

I'm not. I'm really not. I'm a horrible and fucked up person who doesn't deserve you. "You are. What are you doing?"

"I'm hiding at work." We chuckle. "I needed to see you."

Yum. I bite my lower lip. "Can you come over?"

"No, I want this sexual tension to keep building up until we see each other at the lake house."

"You're cruel."

"I know."

"My kitty will miss you." He shifts and I see him swallow hard.

"I'll miss her more. Let me go before I cum."

I chuckle then softly kiss the camera. "Bye, baby,"

"You're such a fucking tease. I love you."

"I love you more." I moan.

"Fuck. What are you doing?"

"You know what I'm doing. What I'm imagining." I tilt my head back.

"Let me see."

I show him and he curses and I hear a bang like he lightly punched a wall. I moan his name and move faster before I reach my peak. I flip the camera back to my face and I see him with his head back and eyes closed leaving me to wonder if I wasn't the only one playing with myself. Our eyes meet seconds later and he shakes his head. "You're going to get me in so much trouble."

"I'll see you Saturday and I'll send more pictures leading up to then."

"Promise?"

I nod then end the call.


	5. Chapter 5

I pull up to the place and it's bigger than what I thought. The lake is gorgeous and the scenery is to die for, I hope I'm around long enough to see it in the spring and summer. I get out of my car and grab my bag from the back seat. Since Stefan and I have this game going on, we decided to arrive separately. He sent me a key just in case I arrived before him which I did and I'm glad because I get to look around.

I gasp opening the front door. Beautiful wood detailing all around. The kitchen cabinets, the table. Dark floors and furniture. The fireplace where I'm starting to wish I bought a blowup mattress because that's more than likely where we'll be sleeping for the next two days. I actually walk in and close and lock the door behind me and head for the upstairs. Four bedrooms and a loft take up its space. The master is where I set my bag down and walk into the bathroom and see a glass shower next to one of the biggest tubs I've seen. So maybe the fireplace isn't the only romantic thing about this place. I gasp hearing the door close. I'm scared to go downstairs and see him because I really want to jump his bones but we have role-playing to do.

I calmly head down the stairs and turn my head to see his back. He's in the kitchen looking through the refrigerator and he has the damn nerve to be wearing a suit.

"Who are you?"

He turns and it takes him some time to respond because he's too busy watching me. I have on the skimpiest dress that I could find with fishnets. He clears his throat.

"I believe I should be asking that question."

"I'm renting out the place for the weekend. I was told that no one would be here," I make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"My family owns the place, I needed to get away." His eyes trail my body again. "Had I known you would be here, I still would've come."

I chuckle and he smiles at me. "What's your name?"

"Stefan. And you?"

"You can call me B,"

"It's nice to meet you, B."

We shake hands and I stop myself from pulling my hand away since sparks traveled all through my body. It's the first time we touched in four days.

"Dare I ask if you're seeing anyone,"

"It doesn't matter, I won't be sleeping with you." I hop on the counter.

"I didn't say anything about that, just making conversation."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Whatever, Stefan." I hop off the counter then walk away but he stops me by pulling on my arm forcing our chests and bodies to meet. My eyes are wide as he stared into them.

"Since I'm a gentleman I'll ask if you want me to leave so you can indulge in some alone time."

"I've had enough alone time." He moves in but I back away. "It's still a no though."

He chuckles as I walk away. "We'll see about that."

"We will." I toss over my shoulder then head back upstairs.

* * *

I charge into short shorts and a black crop top with no bra so my nips are visible. As I make my way down, he's making his way up and moves to the other side of the stairs at the last second so I bump into him. His arm wraps around me and the other moves to my ass. I tug on his tie and our lips met in hunger. Man, I miss these lips. Our tongues rub against each other and he squeezes me then lifts my legs around his waist. I allow him to carry me into the bedroom then I slap him once he's above me. I hold back my laugh at the look on his face and get off the bed hurrying down the stairs where I laugh into the couch. Price. Less. I wish I could record things with my eyes because I would die watching it over and over, it would be so damn good that I had to share with friends.

I compose myself hearing him come down and open a book since I just realized there's no TV in here. I yelp as he sits beside me and pulls me on his lap to straddle him.

"I know women like you."

"Oh do you now?" I raise an eyebrow.

"The second I stop showing you attention, you'll want me."

"I barely know you."

"Doesn't matter." He kisses me quickly then practically tosses me to the side.

My mouth drops as he literally ignores me. ME, and goes on his phone. He smiles like he's texting another girl and the real me gets a little jealous and reaches for his phone trying to see who the fuck he's talking to. He pulls it out of my reach.

"Easy,"

I reach for it again and he chuckles stretching his arm out more.

"Chill."

He waits until I sit back down then starts texting again then shortly switches over to double tapping. I sit a little taller trying to be discreet and some bitch has the nerve to be in a bikini while she's literally in the damn snow and he has the audacity to like it. He wants to play hardball, I'll show him some damn hardball. It's outfit time, bitch.

I get dressed then pull a robe up my arms so it's not so obvious about what I'm doing. I make my way back downstairs and I'm confused for a second because I hear a commercial. I walk back to where I was before but this time behind the couch and see that there was a TV all along but it was just hidden. Stefan looks back at me then double takes and if I didn't know any better, he snapped his neck.

"Take the robe off." He commands.

I for one am shocked. "No."

I crawl on the couch from behind and take the remote from his hands. My robe slips down in the process and I let it be, showing him a little shoulder.

I turn my body and rest my legs on his thighs and slap him with my foot. I allow him to see me chuckle this time. He grabs my foot and kisses it then gets up making me sit up some.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

I blink several times. "Excuse me?"

"To get some firewood. It's getting late."

I relax more then nod before laying back down again. If he told me that he was going to a bar or some shit like that, I would go full on crazy girlfriend on his ass. I know I fucked up but don't you play with me. As he leaves I go get my hair wet a little and it was going to be in the shower, but I spot a jacuzzi outside and head there instead. It's so relaxing and I just want to be in here forever but I get out hearing Stefan make his way in again. I ring my hair out and admire the landscape. It's really crazy how much the sky can change in a matter of seconds. When Stefan said that it was getting late I wanted to look at him like he was crazy but he was right. The sun is barely out now. I hear flames crackle and that brings me back to life. I dry off just slightly so I won't be dripping everywhere messing up the floors.

Stefan stands seeing my come in from outside and my robe is off this time. I stand beside him by the fire and warm my bones, shivering some with my eyes closed.

"You are perfect."

I look at him seeing that we're not in the world of make believe anymore. "You are."

Our lips meet in a less rushed movement and he brings me down to the floor. "Wait here, okay?" I nod and he quickly gets up and leaves only to return seconds later with a blow-up mattress. I chuckle some then get up before he lays me back down on it.

"I missed you." He tells me against my lips.

"I missed you more."

He kisses me in the next second and it's truly game over. We tear away his clothes and he admires me in his favorite color for some time as I pose for him. He tugs on my thong then pulls up the bralette before we kiss again.

This is what lovemaking feels like. Controlled. Need. Wanting to just be near. I'm sure this is truly how a baby is made, no doubt. I lift my legs around his waist as he moves a little faster and forceful. We come looking into each other's eyes as his forehead is rested on mine. He kisses me then moves to his back and we both catch up on our breathing.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

I move my head to his chest and he held me. We talk for awhile then next thing I wake up still in his arms with the fire low. I smile and wrap my arm tighter around him causing his hand to move up my back as he exhaled.

"I can't believe you slapped me."

I laughed. "You know you liked it."

"Not gonna lie I did like it." I laughed again. "I was just shocked as hell."

"I could tell by your face. It was priceless. I laughed so hard." He chuckled. "You better unlike that photo."

"What photo?"

"The one of that bitch in a bikini in the mountains on Instagram that you liked."

"That was my cousin."

"...Oh."

"Don't be jealous."

"Who were you texting?"

"One of my close guy friends."

"What were you two talking about?"

"Baby, baby," he moves on top of me. "Relax." He kisses me.

"I get crazy."

"Good to know. But you should know that I don't fuck around. I only want you. You're perfect for me."

I need to tell him. This doesn't just affect me though so it's hard. If I say something Damon's life is over and his baby will be raised possibly mainly without a dad and that's something that I absolutely don't want and will never wish upon my worst enemy. "Promise?"

"Promise."

I meet our lips again but only once. He smiled looking into my eyes and I smile back and slap him. I laugh at his face then apologize through my laughter. "I couldn't help myself."

"I'll find a way to get you back."

"You'll never know my weakness,"

"I'll find out," he starts to tickle me and I just look at him. "Damn it." I stick my tongue out.

He stands and pulls on my arms bringing me to my feet. I follow behind him upstairs and into the shower.

* * *

I'm all cozied up in his arms as we enjoy the scenery together outside on the porch. Stefan was right. It is truly beautiful out here and if I wouldn't freeze my butt off I'd say we go for a little walk but I'll just enjoy this for now. He kisses my head and rubs my arms over my jacket.

"Who was the other girl you had sex by the fire with?"

He chuckles but exhaled not wanting to talk about it, I could tell. "Are you sure you want to know, Crazy?"

I chuckle this time. "Yes, Mr. Don't Fuck Around."

"Touché." He waits a few seconds. "Her name was Rebekah. And we dated for three years and a few months. And that was that."

"Reason behind breakup?"

"Uh, I guess we just grew apart. I'm different than what I was back then."

"How so?"

"My mature level went from like a five to an eight. I got a better job and started focusing my time on other things instead of her games."

"I hear ya." I didn't mean to say because now he's going to ask. I was trying to avoid this by asking him to elaborate but here I go.

"What about you?"

I exhale. "Well, the guy I was seeing before you was a manipulator. I have daddy issues, as you know, so it wasn't hard for me to fall into the trap."

"How did you know you were being manipulated?"

"Eventually you see it. Then eventually you accept it. Then eventually you get out of it. Or eventually they use you enough and they get out of it. Then after that, you doubt yourself, wondering what's wrong with you and then you convince yourself that it's not you, that it's just the guy but then it happens again and then you wonder if it really is you. Then after that, you try to change yourself and realize that no matter how much or how less makeup or clothes you wear, nothing ever changes. Everyone leaves."

"Hey," he lifts my chin and looks into my stupid wet eyes. "I won't leave you."

Yes, you will. Once the truth comes to light, you'll leave me and now I truly know that it is me. I've got the best man and I fuck up. He gave me a second chance but doesn't realize that my fuck up affects him even deeper. You're going to leave me and it would hurt worse than my father leaving me.

"I promise."

He senses my doubt and I can only muster a smile before looking out again. I probably hurt his feelings but sometimes I can't force myself to fake things.

...

I hug his naked torso close to mine and he lifts his head and kisses me several times. "I love you so much, okay?"

I nod. "I love you too."

He hugs me and buried his head in the crook of my neck. I truly don't deserve any of this. I want to tell him so bad but I can't. I just hug him closer and glad that I don't have implants because I'm sure they would've popped. That makes me giggle some.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing,"

"No, tell me," he pulls away.

I chuckle. "I was just thinking that I'm glad that my boobs are all natural otherwise my implants would've probably popped by now." I laugh not meaning to but I find myself hilarious sometimes.

Stefan laughs too but mainly smiles at me until I sober up. "You're silly," I smile widely. "But am I seriously holding you too tightly?"

"No, babe, I love it." I bend my elbows under his armpits hugging him again.

He moans as I move my nails along his back and kisses the side of my neck. I race my fingers through his hair and he moves to kiss my lips. And down my neck before kissing me again. He moves his thumb to my mouth and I suck on it watching his eyes as he watches my mouth. I reach into his pants but he stops me and moves down my body under the covers.

My hips lift instantly and I can't help but to squeeze my thighs and pull on my hair. We haven't done this yet and the feeling is so blissfully overwhelming. I can't stop moaning his name and rocking my hips as his tongue works. Oh, fuck this feels so damn good.

I'm breathless and stop breathing for a second as he cleans me up. His head emerges soon. "That was amazing."

I could barely get out but he deserved a job well done.

He chuckles then kisses me twice before moving beside me. "Baby?"

Still breathless, "Hm?"

"Let's- let's move in together."

"Wha- are you sure?"

"Are you?"

"I don't know I mean that's a big step."

"I know but," he turns to me, "being with you now all the time, I don't think I can go back to the way we were." Wow. "I'm not asking you to sell your apartment or whatever but just- maybe just...shift some things over to my place. Or I can move in, it doesn't matter but my place is just a little bigger." I nod and I'm not sure what at. "What do you say?"

"This is so new to me, I don't- I mean I guess we can try it. But if things start getting iffy, I don't want to ruin us so I'll move out."

"Okay."

My face relaxes and I smile. "I guess we're doing this,"

"I guess we are."

We hug and kiss some. "I love you."

"I love you more, baby."

Holy fuck. I'm movin' in.


	6. Chapter 6

I really hope I can do it, cause Stefan's depending on me. I know that I must leave the only home I've ever known and brave the dangers of moving in with a boyfriend while trying to still maintain this secret... I mean, how hard can it be? Cue the music! (Trolls reference).

Stefan helped me pack some things, mainly clothes but other things that I couldn't go without seeing for too long like some pictures and my stuffed bear that my dad gave to me when I was seven. I named him Bearemy how cleaver. Stefan thought so.

Although it's been only a month, so far so great. We had our small arguments over organization but that was within the first two weeks and now it's been pretty much smooth sailing. I get sex every night so that's fun. A part of me feels like he's trying to impregnate me but I'll leave that alone for right now and focus on his hands on my back.

He continues to moves his hands up and down my back with his thumbs on either sides of my spine. I know it's because when his hands run up, he touches the sides of my flattened breasts but it feels good.

"Baby?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I smile inhaling. "I love you more." I frown when I feel his hands leave my back but he moves beside me and pulls me in to kiss me.

"You're so beautiful."

"Stop it,"

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Babe,"

He kisses me again and our lips move together forcing me to move on top of him. He smiles as I work on his belt. He raises his hips for me and I pull his jeans and boxers down his legs. Mm. His hand digs immediately in my hair and moans relaxing some more.

I wonder who created giving head to their male partners. Not sure if I lived way back when I would've thought of it. I'm snapped out of my brain hearing knocks on the door and I flick my eyes up at Stefan who just opened his eyes with a grunt.

"It's probably just Damon,"

That's his way of telling me to keep going so I do but sit up hearing the doorbell ring three times.

"What the-" Stefan gets up and pulls up his pants walking out.

I put my shirt on and follow behind him just in time for him to be saying,

"Mandy,"

 _Mandy_. Why does that name sound so— oh shit. That's his stepmom which means I guess I'm finally meeting the parents? Actually I'm not sure if I want to meet the parents but she and I make eye contact just before I was about to speed my tail right back up the stairs.

"Who's this?" She smiled at me then looks at Stefan who looks at me then back to his mother.

"Uh this is my girlfriend Bonnie."

Our eyes meet again and she smiles at me too. "It's nice to finally meet you,"

I finish making my way slowly down the stairs and since she looks like a hugger, I'm not surprised when she actually does hug me.

"You're so beautiful." She pushes my hair back.

"Oh my gosh thank you so much." That tingled me more than when Stefan compliments me. "You too," I look at her and she actually is really pretty. Like if I didn't know any better she wasn't that much older than me. "What do we owe the pleasure, though I'm sure that you were only here to see Stefan."

"Not going to lie, I was but I'm glad you're here too. I'd like to get to know you a little."

"Mandy, I don't think-"

"It's okay, Stefan, I can open up sometimes."

She chuckled and walks into the kitchen wanting us to follow behind. Stefan takes my hand and sits me on his lap once we're at the table.

"So, Bonnie, where are you from?"

"Here, actually. Born and raised."

"What about your parents?"

"Uh, my mom is from Tacoma and my dad is from Maryland."

"So they live here now?"

"Not exactly my parents separated and lost touch with everyone so," I shrug hoping that she gets the point and when she nods sadly I see that she does. Let's change the subject. "So how was it or is it like taking care of this man?" I turn to Stefan and squeeze his cheeks together with my thumb on his left then the rest of my fingers on his right and shake.

He pulls away. "Babe,"

I chuckle as does Mandy. "Uh it was pretty good, I honestly thought it would be harder since he was already a man when I met him, but when he needed me I hope that I did a good job?" She somewhat asks and I can tell she's seeking reassurance. I wait for Stefan to chime in with the "Yeah, you did great" but it doesn't come. I turn to him and see his mind is elsewhere. "Stef," he snaps out of it. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry,"

I want to straddle his lap and hold him and it's not because he went off to lala land, but because they start talking and I just want to hold him and listen because I'm a bit tired. I lean back against him a little more and his arms circle around me as he rested his chin on my shoulder as she talked. I turned my head slightly to kiss his cheek and stare at him and he then kissed my lips before paying attention. I guess I should listen to what she's actually saying.

"Your father says 'hello' by the way."

He chuckled. "Where's he at?"

"He's at the house, I told him I was dropping by last minute after some shopping." She exhales. "Have you talked to your brother lately?"

"I have actually, he was in town for quite some time and we caught up and stuff. Why?"

"I'm just asking, we really haven't heard from him in awhile so," poor thing.

"I'm sure if you call him, he'll answer."

"Yeah,"

So I take it that Damon wasn't so fond of the step mommy. He is older than Stefan and maybe before he was born, Damon saw a side to his mother that Stefan didn't get to see. Maybe she just treated Stefan differently from Damon, not sure, but I can tell that Mandy and Damon don't mix. Maybe it's the age, I hate to say it but I'm sure Damon is older than her by a couple years. I want to ask but I won't.

She's not here for much longer after that and I really start to wonder if she was here for Stefan. Maybe to see him, yes, but mainly to check up on Damon.

We walk her out and as he closed the door he faces me.

"Let me guess, Damon doesn't like her."

"I wouldn't say it like that, he likes her it's just that she's not his mom, you know."

I nod. "Do either of you still keep in touch with your mom?"

"Not that I know of. I'm Facebook friends with her,"

I chuckle then hug him. "Well she seems like a nice, young woman."

"Don't you start."

"I'm not, I'm just saying," I sigh. "But how old is she?"

He sighed knowing that I would keep pressuring him until he told me. "Twenty-nine."

"Not as bad as I thought."

I hop on his back and he takes us to the living room where we snuggle. I feel bad that my moment of pleasuring him was ruined by the stepmom, but I'm just not in the mood to start again. Giving head isn't exactly my favorite activity, I don't care who you are.

* * *

Stefan wants to take me out on a date when all I want to do is stay inside and snuggle. But I get it, dating is what people actually do now— well what Stefan does anyway. Honestly not sure the last time I went out on a date that wasn't with Stefan and now that I think about it, it's pretty sad but at the same time I understand. Dating nowadays IS staying inside and cuddling. Times are changing.

However, I get dressed in black jeans and a white loose top since I will be eating like a pig. I can't help myself. Food is lyfe. We hold hands all the way to the car and he opens the door for me and I smile as a thank you and hop in and buckle my tiny butt in. He grabs my hand again after pulling out of the driveway and we're off.

I'm glad that he and I have the same musical taste. We both sing or rap the parts we know and hum the parts we don't. When he stops at a light we turn to each other and sing smiling some. He kisses me and a thousand butterflies flap in my stomach. I'm actually sad when we get there because I wouldn't mind doing that all night.

I gasp. "Babe. Road trip next!" I skip.

He laughs then reaches over to hug me from the side. "You got it. Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere nature-y. But not—"

"Let's go camping,"

I growl. Add that to the tally of how much my mouth has got me in trouble.

"I have a reservation under Salvatore."

"Oooh, you fancy," I speak my mind having him chuckle then kiss me.

We get led back to our table by the window and we sit across from each other. He looks at me and smiled that stupid cute smile he has.

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you more."

He reached for my hand and I meet him halfway. "Are you liking living with me?" I nod. "Is it better or worse than you thought?"

"Neither really, it's kind of as expected." He nods. "What about you?"

"The same, actually. Although I thought that you would be more annoying no offense."

"None taken mainly because once I get more comfortable I'll be annoying. Promise."

He chuckled. "Wait you're not comfortable with me yet?"

"I mean I am but I'm not settled in, if that makes sense."

"It does, I guess."

I think. "If you want me to be purposefully annoying then I can until it blends in."

He shook his head at me. He's been doing that a lot lately. I look over and honestly shocked to see waiters stand by our table with food. We didn't even order!

"Surprise," he smiles. "I called ahead and made sure they cooked your favorites."

"Babe!" I squeal and he laughs at me.

The waiter rambles off what's being served but I just keep my eyes on my man. The corner of my bottom lip bitten between my teeth. His eyes meet mine in a heated stare as our food is placed on our table. Once all is gone I quietly stand and head back to the bathroom. Stefan shortly follows and I finish up what was started this morning.

...

His horn honks and we shush each other and laugh before I meet our lips again. After dinner, he took me for a nice drive around town so we could see all the Christmas lights and decorations. It was so romantic and sweet and thoughtful. To thank him, I gave him a little kiss on the cheek once we made it home but somehow it got more heated than that. His lips move to my neck then my lips again.

"Thank you for tonight, baby."

"You're welcome." He kisses me. "Anything for my baby."

I move my breasts in his face and shake cause I know he likes them. He licks me and I moan loud enough to fill his SUV. He cups the sisters and bites and I shake out of my damn skin and scream when I look over and see this random ass guy looking at us through the car window. Stefan practically throws me to the side and I don't think he meant to because by the small glance I got of his face I can see that he is pissed as _hell_.

"Oh shit!" Stefan throws a punch and I get out and pull on his arm to stop him from throwing more. "Stef, babe, it's okay—"

"This dick motherfucker has been peeping in people's houses for months," he kicked him causing him to turn over on his stomach and moan in pain.

I step in front of him holding out my hands. "Please stop, please, it's okay," for some reason I'm out of breath like I was the one beating ass. "Let's just go inside."

I manage to snap him back and he nods and walks with me into our house. He's still heated I can tell so I hold him close and he hugs me back.

"I scared you. I'm sorry."

"No,"

"I did, I saw it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you were protecting me." I move away to kiss him and he moves his hands to the side of my face to kiss me back. "I love you."

"I love you more." He kisses my forehead. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

I nod then hug him close again. "I know you are."

He lifts me shortly then takes me upstairs to our room where we strip down to our underwear ready for bed. We look out the window and see that the peeper had gone away. "For months, huh? You didn't think to tell me that before I moved in?"

"I didn't want it affecting your decision."

"I'm moving out."

He laughed lightly then takes me to the bed. He tugs on my arm as I protest just to be an ass. "Come," he pulls a little tougher and I fall into his chest. "Why do we have this bad luck of people interrupting us during our times of being sexual adults?"

I chuckle. "I wish I knew," I sigh. "I never had sex in a car before."

"What, you've never— oh…"

I smile. "I guess you're a little more experienced or experimental than I am. First the fire, now the car. I wonder what's next."

"I won't say."

"Take me somewhere you haven't done it with someone else before."

I watch him think then smile as he carries me downstairs and into the laundry room, setting me on the dryer. We kiss and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist before he pushes them down to climb on as well.

"We're going to give ourselves concussions once we fall off."

I straddle his lap and remove my bra. "I have excellent balance."

Kind of.


	7. Chapter 7

After sex on the washer and dryer last week, my man has been having a little back issue so I surprised him with a massage on the weekend while I was at work. He called me and thanked me saying he'd much rather I rub his back down but I told him that I'm a no professional and should be the last person to tend. He laughed at that then shortly let me go so I could get to work.

"Have you moved out yet?"

Yay, distractions! "No, Elena, I have not moved out FYI."

"I'm not the one who you should get an attitude with. I bet Care twenty bucks that you stay longer than a month."

My mouth dropped. Rude. "Where's she anyway?"

"I don't know," she frowned then looked around. "I'll text her."

She disappears for two minutes then pops up again. "Stomach bug." I wince. "I'm going over so I can collect my twenty. You in?"

I sigh. "I guess."

She smiles then disappears again and I get back to the phones.

...

I called to let Stefan know that I'll be home a little late since I'm visiting a sick friend. He seems OK with it and I never know if he trusts what I tell him or not. We haven't talked much about it in a long time and a part of me wants to bring it up while the other part of me is telling me to keep my mouth shut and if it will, have him come to me first.

I shake my head seeing Caroline weakly dig in her wallet for a twenty dollar bill and hand it over. No faith. Even I believed in myself with this one. Such disrespect.

"I hope you learned your lesson, Caroline. Don't underestimate me."

She rolls her eyes at me. "Whatever."

I chuckle then sigh some. "Let me leave before you pass on whatever you have,"

"I don't think it's passable,"

"The key word is 'think'. I love you but bye." Caroline gasped loudly causing me to look at her like she was even crazier. "What?"

"You love me?" Her voice squeaked.

"Don't make me take it back. I love the both of you. Seriously you girls are the only true friends I have."

Lips quivered and I saw a group hug coming so I got out of there quickly with Elena yelling after me that they'll get me soon enough. Once I'm safe inside my car, I call Stefan to let him know that I'm on my way and head home. I feel a little tired behind the wheel but luckily Caroline doesn't live too far away from Stefan.

"Babe?" I shout closing the door. I narrow my eyes not hearing anything in response. "Stef?" My mind starts rolling. What if I'm walking into a crime scene? Just after I hung up with Stefan someone knocked on the door and killed him and dragged him in... the kitchen! I let out a breath, stopping at the entrance of the kitchen seeing it clean as a whistle.

Alright so maybe my man put up a fight and tried to push the dude out but he busted back in and he ran upstairs. The stairs look so much longer now but that's where I head. There was a struggle here, I can feel it. I stop because the door to our bedroom is closed and it's almost always never closed during the day. I wonder if I should grab a knife in the kitchen, but I see no point. Slowly I twist the doorknob and I'm prepared to scream and cry my ass off like they do in reenactments. I push the door open and my eyes widen at the scene before me. Candles lit, rose petals along the floor and on the bed. Music playing but just enough that you don't have to really strain your ears to hear what song it was. My man standing by the bed holding a single rose in his hand dressed to the nines.

I'm a horrible girlfriend because this is obviously something special and I'm drawing a blank.

"Happy six months," he says unknowingly reminding me.

My eyes water. "Babe," I finally step in.

"Well we've been together for a little more than that, but not counting those two months on break, this is our six month."

I can only smile and look around more then back into his eyes. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." I don't mean to tear up but I can't really help it.

I don't care how long I've been with a guy when anniversaries came it was always a load of nothing or just sex. No one has ever dressed up for me or dressed the room up for me or has been this thoughtful. I'm at a loss for words, honestly.

Stefan hugs me and I hug him back letting a few tears slip. "Thank you." He holds me close and I move away to meet our lips. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and kisses me again, moving us to the bed of roses.

We pull away and smile at one another. "You're the love of my life, Bonnie Bennett."

Tell him. I can't. "You're the love of my life too, Stefan Salvatore."

We kiss again and he moves on top of me, kissing me deeper. "I don't want to have sex right now because it's just like a cliché, I just want to be with you right now." I nod holding back more tears. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, that's the point." I crack a smile. "With other guys, things were just completely different and I'm just laying here looking into your eyes and questioning myself if I actually deserve any of this." I wipe away my tears. "I'm always questioning and- I can't help myself. I don't deserve you."

"Babe,"

"I slept with Damon."

"What?" He backs away and his eyes are so wide.

"I didn't know who he was but he was the guy I cheated on you with. I didn't know and I didn't want to tell you because at first I didn't want to ruin your relationship with him and then you tell me he has a wife and then he tells us he has a kid on the way. I felt so sick. That's why I threw up that day. I wanted to tell you so bad but Damon said to just leave it alone because he didn't want his wife to know. I'm so sorry, Stefan. I'm such a fuck up, I don't deserve you. You are the love of my fucking life but I don't even deserve to live."

"Bonnie, don't say that."

"It's true. But I won't kill myself because maybe in twenty years I'll finally be less of a fuck up and I'll die alone but at least I'll be a better person. At least I'll won't screw up anyone else's life. And that's how I'll die peacefully." Yeah. Me being alone will make anyone's life who I encountered better. I'll just move away and not bother anyone else. That's how I'll pay for my mistakes, even out my karma. I'll just leave. Yes. Just leave.

I get up and move out of the bed and head outside to my car. I drive to my apartment and pack the rest of my clothes for tomorrow since it's late. Once the sun shines, baby I'm out. No more Bonnie and [insert name here], nope, none of that. It truly is my fault. My dad ignoring me, my love life being shitty, my mom not loving me. Bonnie, I hate to break it to ya, but the common factor is yourself. It took you to break the greatest man you've ever known's heart for you to finally break through. My reward? Loneliness. The crowd goes wild. Whoo! Yeah! The bitch gets what she deserves!

I'm in bed all snuggled up with my alarm set and loud knocks are on my door. I try to ignore it but they keep coming and maybe it's the police, maybe something happened. I rush downstairs and open the door out of breath and I stop breathing seeing Stefan there.

"I told you that I would never leave you."

"Stefan, you-"

"Bonnie. I'm not gonna lie, I am pissed but it was unintentional. You came clean to me the day after it happened and that tells me that you're an honest person. And the fact that you got sick over keeping this from me tells me that even more. And I can say with an honest heart that the only reason why you kept it from me this long was that my brother asked you to and because you didn't want to break up his family. I'm not pissed at you, I'm pissed at him. Him doing that trumps all. And I'm so sorry that he put you in that position." He steps in and holds me. "You're the love of my life, Bonnie Bennett. I forgive you. Stop talking about yourself and thinking about yourself the way you do. It breaks my heart to hear you insult yourself every single day. Do you know how hard that is for me to hear the woman that I love call herself anything less than beautiful; anything less than worthy? You don't deserve bad things, and sometimes people and things just fall into your life to make you believe that you do, but you don't. I promise."

I squeeze his torso. "This is a dream,"

"It's not a dream. Kiss me."

I pull my head away and stand on my toes meeting our lips. His hands cup my face and sparks shoot through my body. He's right. This isn't a dream.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you all for reading! This is honestly my favorite story because it's raw. So sorry about the shortness of this last one. I had planned a different way for Stefan to find out but as I was writing it all just flowed out.**

 **I hope that this touched some of you out there possibly in Bonnie's situation. You don't deserve bad things, and sometimes people and things just fall into your life to make you believe that you do, but you don't. I promise. Stay strong and stay alive.**

 **Until next time!**

 **XO**

 **Ashlyne.**


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